Simple Life

Simple Life

Thursday, October 9, 2014

PEBBLE IN THE SHOE AFFECTION

What kind of freakish barbarism would it take to eliminate all speed limits and then enforce a rule that the left lane is only for passing and those stupid hippies caught driving along at 40 mph in the left lane are rapidly dragged from their cars and water boarded on the spot? A Doctor in San Francisco is out driving with his wife. Some loser is in front of them at a red light. The light turns green and the moron just sits there so the man and his wife drive around the guy. He becomes enraged, for reasons only known to him, that they passed him and he begins tailgating them. He follows them all the way to their house in a volcanic frenzy. The couple pull into their garage. As they are closing the garage door the man pulls into their driveway and parks the car halfway into the garage so the door crunches down on the hood of the maniac's car. He jumps out of the car and the Doctor shoots him down with a pistol. Two well placed shots, THUD, THUD, right into the rotten leper. Down he goes like a sack of shit. The Doctor is then arrested and charged by the lunatic District Attorney's office of Marin County. The dirty scum survives the gunshot wounds though the Doctor should have unloaded his entire clip into the mutant. You see the problem is that we have restrictions for seemingly everything under the sun except for things that truly matter. We live in an ass backwards world where anything wrong, illicit, and degenerate has become the status quo. There is no escaping it. And there is no better place to witness the woe then on the streets, thoroughfares and highways. How many of you have been sitting at the traffic light with some fish head texting away holding up everyone else and then they give you the finger when you lay on the horn. I wish I drove a tank so I could get from point A to point B without all the damn hassle of stupid freaks getting in my way. There are all these organizations calling for the banning of cell phones while driving and banning this and that when the problem isn't anything more than stupid idiots. What they should do is ban the bumper stickers. Now the idea of texting while driving is absolutely ludicrous and anyone caught doing so should be thrown into stocks on the side of major interstates for public display. A couple of times in stocks with the crows pecking at your eyeballs will be a surety that you will forfeit the need to tap away on your smart phones while careening 80 mph in a 2,000 pound metal death trap.

Everything is wrong everywhere you look. Pick up a phone and try and make a phone call...automated voice...press 1 for Spanish...press 2 for Czech... press 3 for Woolf...press 4 for Hungarian...press 39 for Ebonic...press 856 for Engleesh. It is like the clown from Uncle Buck that shows up at the birthday party high on Wild Turkey. You arrive at work and half the co-workers are sick because one person decided that they had to come into work hacking blood and blasting snot missiles across every sanitary surface. Your immune system is shot, some gang banger that can't read leans over burning up with a Central American H-68 Y-23 once extinct bird ecoli fever and sneezes right into your taco and then sues you and wins and takes your car, your beach house and your oldest daughter while his buddies hold you down and the local D.A. tattoos a machine gun onto your neck before kicking your teeth in. Welcome to generation toilet bowl. Freak nation to the core. Black leather speedos and a few rib shots for good measure and you pay the bill. Get a grip square. You're all in it for the long haul.

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