THE TRAVEL COMPANION

Today in about an hour I will be heading down to the airport with my daughter to board a plane destined for New York, land of my birth. The last time I traveled I remember moving through the deathly slow security line with my family taking off nearly every piece of clothing before finally reaching the metal detectors. My little daughter had a Fisher-Price computer, a toy and the TSA lady snatched it off the conveyor belt and began inspecting it. The other agents then began whispering and carrying on. I'm standing in my skivvies asking her what the damn problem is with the toy. "This could be a bomb," she said. I was dumbfounded by this point. Other passengers were moving past us while another TSA agent came over and began inspecting it. "Keep the damn thing," I shouted. "I'll buy another one." The TSA agents then called over a manager to inspect it. I'm fuming, my wife is telling me to shut up, but by now it was a matter of principle that I continue the argument until I come out on top. It was a disaster. Finally they gave me back the computer and I grabbed it and gave it to my child and finally collected my clothing and redressed.

Not long after I found myself in another confrontation with the security personnel at the gate when I was not allowed to get on the plane because I had four bottles of half drank water. I need water I get dehydrated on the plane. They said I couldn't take it on board. I told them it was water and I needed it to stay hydrated when I fly. They then poured out all the contents of my suitcase and began rifling through it looking for "I have no idea what!" They wouldn't let me go and I finally had to drink all the contents of all four bottles and was so full I felt like I was going to puke and then I was the only person in the whole line dragged over to the full body x-ray machine and repeatedly violated by it. Then I had to strip and go through the metal detector and after having been brutalized and molested I finally made it onto the airplane. Hopefully today will be less agonizing. Stay tuned!