Simple Life

Simple Life

Friday, December 20, 2013

THE TRAVEL COMPANION

Today in about an hour I will be heading down to the airport with my daughter to board a plane destined for New York, land of my birth. The last time I traveled I remember moving through the deathly slow security line with my family taking off nearly every piece of clothing before finally reaching the metal detectors. My little daughter had a Fisher-Price computer, a toy and the TSA lady snatched it off the conveyor belt and began inspecting it. The other agents then began whispering and carrying on. I'm standing in my skivvies asking her what the damn problem is with the toy. "This could be a bomb," she said. I was dumbfounded by this point. Other passengers were moving past us while another TSA agent came over and began inspecting it. "Keep the damn thing," I shouted. "I'll buy another one." The TSA agents then called over a manager to inspect it. I'm fuming, my wife is telling me to shut up, but by now it was a matter of principle that I continue the argument until I come out on top. It was a disaster. Finally they gave me back the computer and I grabbed it and gave it to my child and finally collected my clothing and redressed.

Not long after I found myself in another confrontation with the security personnel at the gate when I was not allowed to get on the plane because I had four bottles of half drank water. I need water I get dehydrated on the plane. They said I couldn't take it on board. I told them it was water and I needed it to stay hydrated when I fly. They then poured out all the contents of my suitcase and began rifling through it looking for "I have no idea what!" They wouldn't let me go and I finally had to drink all the contents of all four bottles and was so full I felt like I was going to puke and then I was the only person in the whole line dragged over to the full body x-ray machine and repeatedly violated by it. Then I had to strip and go through the metal detector and after having been brutalized and molested I finally made it onto the airplane. Hopefully today will be less agonizing. Stay tuned!

Saturday, December 7, 2013

THE MISTRESS ENDEAVOR

Is there anything more ridiculous than someone who is married and finds that they need to have a mistress on the side? What's the point of being in a marriage if it isn't doing anything for you? Are you going to drink three fingers of Vodka if you don't like it, or eat octopus if it'll make you sick? So why would you stick around a marriage if it makes you want to run down to the local Yoga meeting and hand out your phone number? It is a part of the human condition that has always puzzled me and I had an early life lesson in such behavior when an uncle of mine found the neighbor girl to be more to his liking than my aunt. Then I witnessed a case where a friend's father was doing the dirty deed with a local married hussy who it turns out had been seeing each other for quite some time on the side. Is it convenient for people to remain in a boring, sexless marriage for financial reasons, to keep up societal images, or because they are so selfish that they couldn't give a damn about anyone else their behavior may be affecting? I think I would have made a great shrink and I probably should have gone on to study psychology which, as I have mentioned before, was my first major in college. If it wasn't for the fact that I had to memorize so many terms I would probably have tried to be a shrink along with writing. My books most likely would have turned out differently.

If I had to sit across from some weakling who couldn't decide over a spouse or mistress I would have to tell them to tread lightly or you may find glass in your spaghetti one night! Who am I kidding, nobody cooks anymore, everyone eats out 359 days of an accounting year. But more important than your libido is the fact that Mozart died at 1 am today, December 5 back in the year 1791. The greatest composer in history dead at the age of 35 because he worked himself to death. Day after day after day, from morning until night he created and after over 600 high quality compositions he fell ill with fever, swelled up like a balloon, puked his brains out for two weeks and perished.

I'm sure Mozart would have been an interesting person to have known, but at the same time you have to wonder if you would have gotten along with the greatest classical music genius of all-time. Maybe there would be something about him, a personality quirk that irritated you and maybe something about you that irritated him and then you both find that neither wants to be in the other's presence and then what? You hear his music on a T.V. commercial or during a concert and think to yourself, yes the music is quite brilliant but the guy was a schmuck! The same could be said about any historical figure really. Take Van Gogh for example; he painted beautiful works of art, wrote introspective and moving diary entries and was known to be quite friendly, but Jean Calmet the oldest recorded person to have ever lived 122 years old, lived in Arles France at the same time Van Gogh did, knew Van Gogh and said he was dirty and disagreeable. Then imagine you go back into time someday in the future and stumble upon one of history's monsters like Stalin or Hitler and without realizing who they are you find them to be pleasant and much to your liking, that is until they find something about you they don't like and have you whacked...But we look at the past and history and hold the "good people" in very high esteem due to what they created or did. Jesus of Nazareth preached to the world the benefits of being a good, decent person, but nobody really knows who he was as a person or what he thought about when he was no longer in front of an audience, lying on his bed of hay at 1 in the morning. Yes that borders on the level of blasphemy but it is a real and honest thought. All of these people throughout history were great at their individual endeavors, but nonetheless they were still people. But we need to believe in the talents of those in the past to keep the mundane world from burying us.


Wednesday, December 4, 2013

REALITY BITES INTO THE TOFU GENERATION

I went onto ancestry.com and learned a great deal about my family heritage. It was quite fascinating. I learned that my great-grandmother came to the United States in 1902 from Norway on board the SS Majestic. The SS Majestic was built in Belfast Ireland in 1889 by the Harland and Wolff company. It was the same company that built the Titanic. The Majestic it turns out is a famous ship because the Titanic was built to replace the SS Majestic. The captain of the Majestic from 1895-1904 was Edward Smith, the captain who went down on the Titanic in 1912. My great-grandmother though wouldn't have known Edward Smith because she traveled steerage in third class. When she arrived in the United States she became a maid in the Bronx, NY and eventually took care of the elderly as a nurse so-to-speak. When she was 75-years old she was still working taking care of the elderly walking a mile to work everyday. When people asked her what she did she would respond, "I take care of an old woman." Being that she was 75 they would ask, "How old is she?"

My great-grandmother would respond, "68." She had a sense of humor. Today having a sense of humor would get you fined. People today in generation zero don't know what hard work is. My great-grandmother worked 52 weeks a year and then saved the money she earned instead of splurging it on ridiculous nightclubs and party drugs. Her husband, my great-grandfather worked as a building superintendent and in 1932 worked an average of 72 hours a week, 52 weeks a year for an annual wage of $1,500. These people worked hard. It doesn't seem like much but they didn't buy all the expensive toys that nobody needs and encourage our kids to shoot up schools. They were able to live comfortably and my grandmother was even able to travel back to Norway periodically. It is also a fact that cost of living back then was still more equal to what they were earning so they could have a life. Today with the "minimum wage," and the "labor unions," cost of living is through the roof and the average family needs to earn around $200,000 a year to keep from having to eat Thanksgiving in the local soup kitchen. Not only that people today want $200,000 given to them by the government because they don't know what putting in a full day's work is, and they think they are entitled to a high salary despite having no skills and then they want to watch T.V. all day. If they are at work they want their "breaks" and "long lunches" and "holidays off." These lazy bums today think that they should be able to retire at 39 and receive a six-figure pension. They don't know what it is like to wake up at 4:30 in the morning every day and then work until the sun goes down. Then after the kids are put to bed a couple more hours of work until you do it all over again. My great-grandparents are the kind of people who should be looked up too!